If you had told me a few weeks ago what our current reality would be, I would not have believed you. For all spring sports teams, there were many games to be played, losses to be endured, wins to be earned, bus rides to be had, team dinners to be hosted, parent tailgates to be enjoyed, and senior days to be celebrated. Outside of athletics, there were concerts, shows, formals, final exams, award ceremonies, graduation, and senior week that traditionally mark the closing of a spring semester at St. Lawrence. As a senior captain, it has been hard to come to terms with the loss of these moments, along with the cancelation of my post-grad summer travel plans and my job offer for fall 2020. 

In the midst of times like these, I have constantly been reminded of how strong the connection is between Laurentians — those who have wrapped up their senior year earlier than they wanted to, those who have graduated long ago, those who have worked on campus for years, and those who still have time left in their St. Lawrence careers.

We are all keeping in touch, regardless of location and time of day. The women's lacrosse team, for example, has been sending positive messages and resources to each other and utilizing Zoom for online team gatherings. Though we aren't all in one place, our personalities and light-heartedness shine through; it's as if we are all sitting in the same room once again. We have been sharing laughter, worries, anxieties, tears, and cute dog videos throughout all of this. I am confident that this has served as a reminder to the underclassmen of how special it is to be a student-athlete and to have a team to confide in. I think that in the long run, this will build an even stronger foundation of resilience and grit for our program in the years to come. 

I know that many other student athletes, coaches, athletic department staff, and athletic training staff share the feeling with me that the ending of this semester is not what we had planned for, and not what anyone expected. However, in true Laurentian spirit, we have found ways to band together in the chaos and to make the best of the situation presented before us. In troubled waters, we have looked to each other to lean on for support in the lifeboats.

A note that President Fox shared with me earlier in the semester included a quote from Katharine Graham, the former owner of the Washington Post, that reads: "function in disaster, and finish in style." While I reflect on our final days on campus before heading home amidst this COVID-19 outbreak, both the women's and men's lacrosse teams did just that. 

On our last day to practice together as a team, I drove over to Hall-Leet Stadium as I typically would, but this time, with a heavy heart and more sadness than I've brought to the turf with me ever before. I walked into Appleton Arena and headed down the hall to our locker room, knowing that it could be the last time I punched in the door code to our team's sacred space. When I entered, my spirits were lifted. My teammates had decorated the locker room with streamers, posters, and game uniforms hung as if it was our senior day. Together we rallied, speakers booming, and got dressed to take the field.

Before heading out, our coaches, Hannah Corkery and Krista Temple, addressed our team and shared in our emotions. Our junior class read a speech and made note of how each of us had impacted our teammates and set a standard for our program since our earlier days of fall ball back in September. We all knew that, in a normal year, we would have had so much more to look forward to: long practices after a day of class, film and scouting other teams we would compete against, and of course, the ringing of the victory bell.

On this day, though, we chose not to focus on what we had lost, but instead to turned our attention to what we still had: a sunny day, beautiful new game uniforms, and a turf field to play on together. We took our team photos and to had an intrasquad scrimmage, playing for the love of the game. It was truly a testament to the quote student-athletes often hear: "Treat every practice and every game like it's your last day to play." 

When we were out on the turf, we were setting up for our first draw and heard some loud shouting near the doors to the field. Looking over, the entire men's lacrosse squad came rolling out into the bleachers wearing their own Saints Lacrosse pinnies, posters in hand, ready to support us. Near the end of the scrimmage, my team helped me score the last goal (as a low defender, shooting is not my expertise … we always joked about me going over the restraining line as an attacker). After the goal was scored, my whole team came in to celebrate and the men's team stormed the field. I can still hear the "S-L-U" chant ringing in my ears. It's a moment that I will never forget, and one that every St. Lawrence student-athlete can understand. It's what it means to be a Saint. 

Colby Hoffman '20 is a senior on the women's lacrosse team. This piece is part of a series of stories by student-athletes about how St. Lawrence student-athletes saw their academic and athletic plans change rapidly as the spread of COVID-19 across the nation caused St. Lawrence to make the transition to remote learning instruction after spring break. If you are a St. Lawrence student-athlete interested in participating in this project, please contact Aaron Todd at atodd@stlawu.edu.